Saturday, December 31, 2011

a new year, a new beginning.

this year started out pretty bad. i was deeply depressed and would do anything to be with my recent ex-boyfriend even though he was doing anything he could to be with the girl he had cheated on me with. what a horrible start to a year. 

while everyone is right about how we shouldn't wait until the new year to make goals and get them accomplished, it's good that everyone gets really motivated at least once a year. and even though this year started out not so good, it's ending very very well. i have a boyfriend who loves me beyond comprehension, i'm happier than i've been in a really long time, i'm spending new year's with my uncle and grandma in florida, i'm living in a luxury apartment for three weeks, and everything just seems so right. i do miss my boyfriend, stephen, and wish that he were here for me to kiss at midnight, and just spend time with in general but i know that we'll be okay and that we'll both enjoy ourselves tonight and i'll be sure to send him a kiss at midnight since i can't be there. it just really feels like everything is going to be okay from now on. and i couldn't be happier about it.

my new year's resolutions include:
  • lose ten pounds.
  • read more books.
  • let people know that i love and appreciate them.
  • give more compliments.
  • do one thing every day that makes me happy.
  • don't drink soda or drinks with calories.
  • get grades that i'm proud of.
  • work hard.
  • do more for other people.
  • save more money than i spend.
  • use my credit card much less.
  • get my tattoo.
  • go to the family cabin with stephen.

Friday, December 30, 2011


what is wrong with me? i feel like i'm incapable of learning anymore; even if i want to. i want to have grades i can be proud of and i try to study but i just feel like i don't have the motivation or that i'll just be disappointed when i try really hard and don't do well because, for whatever reason, no matter how hard i try, i can't get better than a C. and i really do want to do better but i think the fact that i don't know what i want to be when i grow up is really affecting how hard i'm trying in school. like if i had a goal to pursue, would i try harder? if i knew that i had to get certain grades to get into a major that i really wanted, would that motivate me or am i just hopeless? because all i can see myself being in the future is a wife and mother. i want to make someone else genuinely happy just by being myself. that's it.

i just want to be happy. why is that so difficult for everyone else to understand?

Friday, December 16, 2011


i try to be myself as often as possible. preferably, all the time. but then i wonder how many other people are just like me, whether it's in my habits or thoughts. how many people are there that are very similar to me? even if i am one in a million, there are more than a million people on this earth, right? 

i feel like i worry too much about what other people think of me and i end up not doing what i think would be fun or just not buying things i like because i'm afraid of the criticism i'd get. i think we all need to be more accepting of people in a lot of ways so that we're allowed to be ourselves and not feel judged. i think that would really bring out more originality in the world. and as of right now, i'm going to do just that. i'm going to do what i like, what i think is fun, what i believe is right, what i need to do for myself without caring what other people think of me. and i'm gonna stop judging people so harshly too. it isn't fair to the people i judge by their looks or to me; i could be missing out on someone really great. and i'm not going to care what people are thinking about what i do/wear because i'm doing it to make myself happy. not for anyone else.